What do you get the Bills fan who has everything? Why, more Bills stuff, of course.
And there are more choices for Buffalo Bills-themed gifts than just caps and hoodies.
SSR Creations out of Fresno, Calif., for example, sells toilet paper bearing the Bills logo, wrapped in festive cellophane with red and blue ribbon ($8). If you wouldn't dare disrespect your team in such a way, there are Patriots and Dolphins rolls that would make good gifts, too.
You can get a custom-airbrushed Bills toilet seat from BrickWurX on Etsy for $69.95, which the maker describes at "Bathroom Art!!!" Its customer reviews are just as glowing.
"I thought it would only be the lid, but it comes with the seat too!" wrote satisfied customer and Etsy user Kioga.
There are also endless Buffalo Bills collectibles to choose from at local sports memorabilia stores, such as Dave & Adam's Card World, 8075 Sheridan Drive in Clarence and Bases Loaded, 794 French Road in Cheektowaga. There is a world of memorabilia possibilities online, too, such as a vintage Buffalo Bills helmet autographed by O.J. Simpson. Actually, forget that last one. We know what lengths The Juice has gone to to retrieve "his" things.
Here are some last-minute gift ideas for the ultimate Bills fan in your life.
Buffalo Bills tailgate table, $157.50, Kohls.com.
This handy, folding table is painted to look like the field at New Era; green with yard-line markings and Bills-emblazoned end zones.
It's fully licensed, so you don't have to worry about breaking any laws out in the parking lot – as long as you and your best friend don't try to light yourselves on fire and bust through it with a tag-team Powerbomb/Neckbreaker combo.
Buffalo Bills Team Gnome, $20.99, Kohl's
At 11.5 inches tall, this life-sized resin gnome statue wears the team colors, clutches a football and has the Bills logo on his little pointed cap.
Rumor has it the statue was patterned after a tribe of real gnomes living behind a garage in Lackawanna who have vowed not to shave their 1999 playoff beards until the Bills make it to the Super Bowl.
Buffalo Bills Lightning Charger Cable Keychain, $14, Kohls.com.
This portable lightning cable key chain is a very practical gift for any Bills fan. Because what are you going to do if someone streaks, gets into a fight or slides down a railing and falls onto a bunch of fans – NOT record it?
You've got to keep that phone charged at all times so you can be the one whose grainy footage goes viral.
Forever Collectibles NFL Wooden Nutcracker, $27.99 Walmart.com
This decorative wooden nutcracker stands 10-inches tall and has a strained look of cautious optimism painted on its face. Its tight smile and clenched fists say, "Let's go Buffalo!" but its anxious eyebrows and sad, twinkling eyes say, "My heart has been broken far too many times to remain hopeful."
Bills Recliner Furniture Protector, $29.99, Laux Sporting Goods.
This fun and functional gift is a great way to show your Bills spirit and protect your furniture at the same time. The quilted sofa protector is red, white and blue, emblazoned with the Bills logo and guaranteed to protect your couch from potato chip crumbs, chicken wing dip and most remnants of domestic Bills game debauchery.
It has not been specifically tested against Genny Cream Ale spills.
Bills Helmet Lamp, $99.99, Laux Sporting Goods.
This unique lamp will provide a rare, sports-related bright spot in the life of any Bills fan. Remind them that, as long as they keep a light on for their team, there's a chance they could make it to the Super Bowl. There's always hope. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Hope and tunnel not included.
Bills rolling cooler, $49.97, Laux Sporting Goods.
This royal blue cooler is a must-have for any tailgating Bills fan. The Bills logo, proudly displayed on the top and side of the cooler, will show everyone who you're rooting for.
Its roomy, well-insulated interior will keep your beverages of choice cold.
The wheels will allow you to roll your party to whatever spot in the parking lot seems like the most fun at the time, or roll quickly away from any rowdy shenanigans that could get you arrested.
Plastic Hip Flask, $6.99, Vidler's 5 & 10.
You'll be hard pressed to find a single Bills fan who would be unhappy to receive a hip flask for Christmas. And at this price, you can even afford to fill it.
NFL All-Terrain Vehicle Playset, $14.29, Target.
This little set snaps together with Lego-compatible blocks to create a roughly two-inch-tall ATV, driven by a blue figure (included) that has the face of a buffalo and the body of a human. It's the perfect toy for a snowy Christmas morning. Your kid can sit in a snow drift and pretend they're clearing the field for another Snow Globe game.
Buffalo Bills Fleece Throw Blanket, $35.97, Laux Sporting Goods.
This cuddly team blanket is incredibly versatile. It's the perfect size to be used as a throw in your Bills-themed man cave. Its thick, plush piling makes it perfect for staying snuggly warm in the stands.
And, should any streakers appear, you'll have something far more fashionable to cover them with than one of those yellow security jackets.
Bills Barbecue Tongs, $29.99 and spatula, $24.99; Vidler's 5 and 10.
These handsome barbecue utensils have the Bills' charging-buffalo logo die-cut from the business end of each, along with the NFL logo and the name "Bills" emblazoned on their handles.
Since Bills fans are known to grill outside in the dead of winter while wearing cargo shorts, you know your gift will be used year round.
Buffalo Bills Logo Three-Way Fidget Spinner, $3.99, Joann.com.
This printed-graphic fidget spinner is fully licensed and makes a perfect gift for the younger Bills fans on your Christmas list. It's the perfect distraction from any distasteful or unruly behavior they might otherwise witness in the stands or the parking lot.
Its average spin time is one to three minutes – long enough to usher them away from most drunken antics.
Buffalo Bills stadium chair ornament, $9.99. Zulily.com.
This three-inch-high glass ornament features a red and blue seat complete with Bills logo, football and cup holder. The seats are empty, just like they were toward the end of that brutal Saints game last month.
It's not clear what type of beverage is supposed to be in the tiny disposable cup, but I've never seen anyone drink beer out of a little, curly straw.
Buffalo Bills Official 15-inch Throw Pillow, $8.32, Walmart.com
The 100 percent cotton, royal blue shell of this fiber-fill pillow bears a bold Bills logo and makes a perfect accent pillow for the den.
The next time a friend passes out on your kitchen floor on their way to the bathroom, you can show your guests why Buffalo is called the City of Good Neighbors by tucking this comfortable pillow under his or her head until morning.