While the rest of us ham-and-eggers were sleeping, Bill Belichick was up, plotting, scheming, executing his next conquest and staying six steps ahead of the competition, to the complete bewilderment of the NFL.
His 2016 season-in-review:
Trades best defensive player, Chandler Jones, to Arizona for second-round pick. Makes NFL’s offseason acquisition of year by trading fourth-round pick for TE Martellus Bennett. Signs free agents Chris Hogan and Chris Long.
Loses Tom Brady to four-game to suspension. Loses first-round pick to NFL penalty. Makes three draft-day trades, which bring a starting guard (Joe Thuney) and key fourth-round WR Malcolm Mitchell. Loses top edge rusher, Rob Ninkovich, to four-game suspension.
Whips Arizona and Miami with Jimmy Garoppolo. Whips Houston with rookie Jacoby Brissett. Goes 3-1 without Brady. Trades most talented LB, Jamie Collins, to Cleveland for second-rounder. Loses all-world tight end Rob Gronkowski to season-ending back injury.
Goes 14-2. Finishes regular season with team ranked 25th in cash spending. Doesn’t win coach of year. Coaches Pats to greatest Super Bowl comeback ever. Earns seventh Super Bowl ring.
How 'bout that for a mic drop, Lady Gaga?