Eric Dickerson's record would be skunked.
O.J. Simpson's magical 2,003? Vaporized.
Adrian Peterson, Barry Sanders and Terrell Davis would have nothing on Buffalo Bills running back LeSean McCoy.
The greatest rushing seasons in NFL history would be dots in McCoy's rearview mirror if his first-half production held up over the course of an entire game 16 times.
McCoy's first halves are so murderous they couldn't possibly be sustained over the course of a full season.
We're talking 2,744 yards and 32 touchdowns.
"Looks like we need to do a better job in the second half," Bills center Eric Wood cracked Sunday after McCoy and the Bills steamrolled the San Francisco 49ers at New Era Field.
Dickerson set the NFL record with 2,105 yards in 1984. LaDainian Tomlinson scored a record 27 rushing touchdowns in 2006.
"We have confidence when it comes to running the football, and Shady proves us right," Bills left guard Richie Incognito said. "When you have a talented guy like him, you feed him."
McCoy remained molten in first halves, running 11 times for 106 yards and two touchdowns. He broke a 38-yarder up the middle early in the second quarter. A 24-yard carry picked up a startling third-and-20 conversion three minutes before halftime.
McCoy scored on touchdowns of 4, 12 (on a direct snap) and 18 yards. After his third score, he gave the ball to Incognito to spike. Incognito never received such an honor before.
"He makes big plays happen," Incognito said. "He's a dynamic runner, probably one of the best one-on-one guys I've seen in space as far as making people miss and setting up jukes and getting yards after contact.
"We want to get him one-on-one with corners, one-on-one with safeties. He'll make that guy miss and gain big yards."
In the first half of Buffalo's past four games, McCoy has 38 attempts for 343 yards and four TDs.
Those four first halves -- 120 minutes, or two games' worth of football -- over a full 16-game season would mean 305 attempts for 2,744 yards (9.0 yards per carry) and 32 touchdowns.
Toss in the two pukey losses to begin the year and McCoy's pace wouldn't go down bigly: 293 attempts for 2,192 yards (7.5 yards per carry) and 27 touchdowns.
Lorenzo Alexander picked up another sack Sunday, giving him at least one every week. He's the first linebacker in Bills history with a six-game streak. Defensive end Aaron Schobel was the last Bill to string together that many a decade ago.
Alexander, all told, has eight sacks. Let me remind you the 33-year-old journeyman entered the season with nine career sacks.
The Bills were a nine-point favorite. They've enjoyed a spread at least that large only 39 times, zero since they were 10-point favorites over the Oakland Raiders in 2008.
Sunday was the sixth time during the Bills' playoff drought they were 9-point favorites or better.
They are 23-16 against such spreads, but hadn't covered one that healthy in 12 years.
You have to wonder what's happening to Greg Roman's coaching stock. Buffalo's offense has looked phenomenal since firing their offensive coordinator six days into the regular season.
Anthony Lynn's offense is more refined, eliminating the sloppiness of wasted timeouts and delay-of-game penalties. The Bills rushed for 65 yards and 86 yards in their two games with Roman, but are averaging 211.8 yards over the past four games with Lynn.
Roman has been considered a head-coaching candidate and interviewed for the vacancy Doug Marrone created two years ago.
The Bills are paying Roman not to work, but he'll seek vindication soon. He might have to resurrect himself as a position coach again or return to the college ranks before getting another chance to call plays in the NFL.
Big if true
Bills kicker Dan Carpenter quietly has cobbled together a respectable career.
Only 64 players in NFL history have scored more points than he has. He scored nine of them Sunday, upping his total to 944 points.
Carpenter is six points behind Randy Moss on the all-time list.
Bigger if untrue
Colin Kaepernick and New Era have done wonderful business together.
The juju didn't extend to New Era Field.
Kaepernick's star has faded, but -- believe it or not -- the 49ers quarterback was the NFL's top seller for "player-identified caps" from New Era and Lids last season.
Kaepernick ran for a team-high 66 yards. He wasn't the reason San Francisco lost, not when Buffalo scored its most points since 1991, rushed for its most yards since 1992 and had the ball for 35:11.
But Kaepernick's passes were erratic. He completed 13 of 29 passes for 187 yards and a touchdown with no turnovers.
The Bills entered Sunday ranked second in red-zone defense, having let opponents score a touchdown 37.5 percent of the time. That includes the New York Jets scoring four TDs on seven trips in the home opener.
Over their past four games the Bills have yielded only two touchdowns on eight opportunities.
The Bills won despite losing the turnover battle for the first time this year. They didn't lose a fumble through five games, but quarterback Tyrod Taylor and rookie running back Jonathan Williams each coughed up a ball.
Buffalo has recovered one fumble in every game so far and owns a robust plus-8 in turnover margin.
We good here?
Heck to the yes.
The Bills have clawed into the playoff hunt at 4-2 and are favored to win again next Sunday against the Miami Dolphins at Hard Rock Stadium.
The Bills opened as 2.5-point favorites, partially because the Dolphins surprised the Pittsburgh Steelers, but Las Vegas handicapper and former oddsmaker Joel Staniszewski of Sloan expects the number to grow throughout the week as money gets wagered on the Bills.
The Bills' schedule gets tougher in Week Eight with the New England Bradys and the Seattle Seahawks. But the Bills at least have given themselves some breathing room.
Story topics: Aaron Schobel/ Adrian Peterson/ Anthony Lynn/ Barry Sanders/ Colin Kaepernick/ Dan Carpenter/ doug marrone/ Eric Dickerson/ Eric Wood/ Greg Roman/ Joel Staniszewski/ Jonathan Williams/ LaDainian Tomlinson/ LeSean McCoy/ Lorenzo Alexander/ O.J. Simpson/ Randy Moss/ Richie Incognito/ Terrell Davis/ tom brady/ Tyrod Taylor