Dear Abby: My oldest son came to me nine months ago asking my opinion. He wanted to donate sperm to a black lesbian couple (for a fee) so they could have a biracial child. He told me he needed the money. I told him I didn’t approve because they are lesbians. (Sorry, I’ll be bashed for that statement, but I have to be honest.)
I have a biracial 10-year-old son, so race isn’t the issue. Had it been a heterosexual couple of any race, I would have been OK. However, what I told him was that if he gives up his rights to the child, I, too, won’t have grandparents’ rights. I broke down in tears when he told me all this.
Yesterday I received a picture of a newborn. It turns out my son donated his sperm knowing how I feel about homosexuality. I have tried hard to always be there for my children, letting them know I love them and doing the best a single mother could do for them. I feel I must have failed horribly in bringing him up to be a better man.
I cannot, in our home state, fight for grandparents’ rights since he has relinquished his rights. I am even more hurt that he would share a picture of my grandson knowing my opinion, and I feel horribly disrespected. Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just let all of this go?
– Disrespected in the South
Dear Disrespected: What’s done is done. Your son’s sperm is his to do with as he wishes. His mistake was in asking your opinion and letting you see the picture. Because of your deep-seated bias against gay couples, I assume you weren’t planning on having contact with the baby anyway, because overcoming your intolerance would have been necessary.
Your son is an adult, and your blessing was not required. If you continue to hang onto this, it may destroy your relationship with your son, so let it go.
Dear Abby: My husband had an affair and a child with a married woman before we were together. They agreed to let her husband raise the boy as if he were his biological son. I didn’t agree with it.
We have a daughter together who is two years younger than the boy. They will be going to the same middle school next year. Our daughter is very sociable and likes meeting new people. I’m afraid that they will meet and be attracted to each other, not knowing they have the same father. Do I say something now, or wait and hope my worst fear does not become reality?
– Keeping A Big Secret
Dear Keeping: Say something now. While there is no guarantee they will be attracted to each other, they should be told they have a half-sibling.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.