Why are Americans so obsessed with guns?
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m just trying to figure out how acutely dumb and irresponsible this country has become. I am profoundly suggesting we have hit an irreversible plateau, and although I’d like to think this event “takes the cake,” it won’t.
I’m not sure if it’s the ample amounts of lead in our water or the arteries clogged due to our habit of ingesting vast quantities of pizza-like substances, but it’s finally come down to this: The Iowa House of Representatives just passed a bill allowing children of any age to use handguns. Normally my rage at this point pops a neck vein, but I find my neck is unable to muster the strength. I surrender.
“You’re missing the whole point of the bill,” said Republican Jake Highfill. “I think this is one of the best bills we’ve done for Second Amendment rights.”
When I first read this, I thought it must have been published on the satirical journal, the Onion. Much to my chagrin, it was not. It therefore begs the question: What type of handgun would be the most appropriate gift for these toddlers to fill that last-minute item for the stocking at yule time, or the perfect gift to be opened at a 2-year-olds’ birthday while surrounded by their friends? The choices, as we all know, are endless and relatively inexpensive, and can be purchased in quantity in some states. What could possibly go wrong?