Scott Marracino: The trials and tribulations of being skinny - The Buffalo News

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Scott Marracino: The trials and tribulations of being skinny

Throughout the course of any year, as most people do, I indulge in various foods and beverages. A lot of people become concerned about putting on the pounds, but it’s never been something relatable to me.

It sounds like bragging, but you would probably need a map or a magnifying glass to find my waistline. Yes, I have to confess I’ve always been rail thin.

But don’t worry. This is not going to be some boring lecture on staying in shape or losing weight. I’m not qualified to give that advice. I simply want to shed light on the experiences a thin person like myself has had. The thin life really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

For one thing, people assume I’m a fitness expert. They ask me frequently, “What’s your secret?” or “How do you do it?” I’m never quite sure how to answer those. For some reason, “I eat what I want whenever I want” doesn’t seem like the answer people are looking for. The truth is, I don’t have a special secret to being thin. I just am.

People are always trying to feed me. I hear constantly, “You’re skinny. Take something to eat.” They just think I must be hungry or starving all the time. Politely declining their offer just eggs them on further (sorry for the bad pun).

Anyway, telling people I’m trying to lose weight doesn’t help either. It just makes them angry for some reason.

From time to time, people take advantage of my lean frame. If they need to reach into a tight space for something, they’ll look for me.

Years ago, I was staying over at someone’s house with a group of friends. After going out we didn’t have a key to get back in the house when we returned. However, there was a mail slot in the door.

Yes, we all thought it was worth a try to see if I could reach through it and turn the doorknob. Too bad, my arm fit through but my hand just wasn’t able to fully reach the knob.

As an aside, I do have an example of a time when being skinny got me out of a sticky situation. My car was in the shop, so I borrowed someone’s van to get around. One time I got out of the van, hit the lock, closed the door and was disappointed to see I had left my keys in the vehicle.

It seemed there was no other way for me to get in. But then, I had an idea. I checked the trunk, found it was unlocked and crept inside. Taking advantage of the fact there was no barrier from the trunk to the seats in the van, I crawled up to the front seat and grabbed the keys.

Back to drawbacks. Gifts can cause problems for people my size. Over the last few years, people have become fixated on buying shirts that are way too small and tight for me. I’m not quite sure how to handle this. I appreciate the gifts, but somehow saying, “Oh, that will make a nice pajama shirt” doesn’t get the message across.

I must say I admire those people who have stuck to a diet and exercise program.

The feeling of accomplishment after sticking to a plan and slimming down to a more satisfactory weight is something I’ve never experienced.

So there’s something else you non-thin people have over me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a trip to the donut shop.

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