Dear Abby: I’m a 28-year-old woman with a fantastic job, a wonderful boyfriend and many friends whom I love dearly. I’m the only one without a child.
Maybe I don’t understand because I’m not a parent myself, but all my friends can talk about is children. Whereas before, we were interested in each other’s lives, I feel like my concerns and accomplishments are being brushed off. An example: I was excited to meet up with a pal to talk about my promotion, but the hour-long dinner was spent mostly teaching her child how to walk between the tables of the restaurant.
I enjoy hearing about my friends and their families, but I feel they are no longer interested in me. Am I expecting too much because we’re at different points in our lives, or am I a bad friend? I’m growing resentful, and I don’t like it. Any words of wisdom?
– Still Relevant in Massachusetts
Dear Still Relevant: You and your friends ARE at different stages of life. When you were in your teens, you and your friends would talk about dating. Then, as you grew older, the conversations revolved around college, jobs and marriage.
As people experience the later stages of life, they talk about other things that are going on in their lives – children, grandkids, aging parents and, finally, their own health concerns.
You’ll maintain and enjoy these friendships longer if you understand that. In the meantime, try to set some “adult time only” with your friends.
Right time for revelation
Dear Abby: I have been divorced for 14 years and have dated some, but not a lot. I recently signed up for an online dating service, and here is my dilemma: I have a felony conviction from 25-plus years ago. It did not involve violence, drugs, sex, stealing, etc. It was for a white-collar crime. I received four years of probation, which I served without a hitch.
My question is not if I should tell someone about my conviction, but WHEN. If I say anything at our first meeting, I’m pretty sure it will also be the last meeting. At the same time, I don’t want it to appear that I was hiding it from them.
I might add, this is the only time I have ever been in trouble with the law. I’d appreciate your advice on how to deal with this.
– Online Dating in Texas
Dear Dating: The time to tell someone about your conviction is when the relationship stops being casual. At that point, you should disclose that there is a chapter from your past that you think the person should know about – and it’s one that will never be repeated.
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.