A proposed local law for Clarence:

Whereas the Town of Clarence once was a rural town that was so far from anything that most of the people who wanted to live here were either farmers and people who liked their neighbors a car ride away and;

Whereas that began to change about 20 years ago, thanks to the abundance of available land on which to build houses and the proximity to such thoroughfares as Transit Road and Main Street, the extension of the I-990 to Millersport Highway and the relatively cheap cost of gasoline to power the cars that were needed to get residents back toward civilization and;

Whereas the people who settled here from other suburban communities generally moved into newly built houses with a square footage previously thought to be about the right size for gymnasiums and airplane hangars, with gigantic bedrooms, master bathrooms and three-car garages that came standard and;

Whereas these houses were inhabited by affluent people who told their friends how awesome and peaceful Clarence was and how it really isn't that far from everything – even though it is – which prompted more and more affluent people to move out here and;

Whereas the town has been on the receiving end of a communal flight from first-ring suburbs that has resulted in its population growing by more than 65 percent since 1980, according to the 2010 Census and;

Whereas Clarence has always been somewhat insular, even going so far as to post signs in its parks warning patrons that the facilities therein are for town residents only and;

Whereas the growth continued unabated for years in part because taxes were low because there were not a lot of town services to fund with the revenue coming from property taxes on all those big new houses and:

Whereas town officials seemed to suddenly come to the conclusion that all these new residents were going to want the services they had come to expect in their previous communities and maybe even a town police department which could have led to higher taxes and;

Whereas that led to talk that maybe the town would want to slow down on all the growth because while it was great to have all these people and their money, it was starting to get a little crowded and, no offense to anyone in particular, a little too "Amhersty" and;

Whereas no one saw the irony of a town whose very existence and growth were predicated on an influx of new residents who were now calling for the town to stop allowing such growth and;

Whereas some of the same residents started to get a little older, which led to talk of the potential for senior housing projects, which made people start to worry if that might be code for "affordable" housing, which itself is code for "poor people" and;

Whereas more recently town officials began discussing the possibility of declaring a moratorium on any apartment construction and used the standard reasons about zoning and density and infrastructure, but which is another way of saying this could definitely bring poor people;

Now, therefore, be it resolved that as of this date, work will begin to place the following wording on all signs seen by people as they enter the town: "Now entering Clarence. Sorry. We're closed. But we're hearing good things about Newstead."

email: bandriatch@buffnews.com

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