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Five Spot / Quick hitters on the light side

THEY KNOW PIT STOPS

Lawmakers in North Carolina have renamed a section of Interstate 85 as "Jeff Gordon Expressway," in honor of the NASCAR driver. Just be sure to ask for the Jeff Gordon Special when you pull into a gas station -- four new tires and a tank of gas in less than 30 seconds.

GETTING THE BOOT

Former Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt is no longer an assistant soccer coach at a local middle school, the Naples (Fla.) Daily News reported, after he allegedly grabbed a student by the throat for heckling him with "Wide left!" jabs.

What, no "drunk idiot kicker" taunts?

DID I DO THAT?

Packers receiver Donald Driver said winning "Dancing with the Stars" was about the same as winning a Super Bowl.

"To win the Super Bowl, you have to get past Ray Lewis," wrote Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. "To take 'Dancing with the Stars,' Driver had to defeat the guy who played Urkel."

THIRD SHOE DROPS?

First the inventor of the TV remote passes away, and now the creator of the Oreo creme filling is dead. Couch potatoes can only cringe at the thought of who's destined to make it a threesome -- the brains behind the La-Z-Boy, perhaps?

CHECK YOUR ID

MLB suspended Marlins reliever Juan Carlos Oviedo -- the former Leo Nunez -- for eight weeks for identity fraud. To the relief of several Minnesota Twins, it was for using a fake name and not for impersonating a big-league player.

-- Dwight Perry, Seattle Times