1. THE ALL-TIME CHAMP
Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones (above), who abstains from sexual activity, says that some guys have told her that having sex will help her run faster. If that were true, Usain Bolt would be trying to break Wilt Chamberlain's records.
2. PICK YOUR POISON
ESPN baseball analyst Aaron Boone wants to see the end to the delivery of shaving-cream pies to the face during postgame interviews. After the comments, he received a Gatorade shower from John Kruk.
3. NO, THIS WAY
Former Notre Dame and Montana quarterback Nate Montana, the son of Joe, is transferring to West Virginia Wesleyan in Division II. Here's hoping Nate gets his career out of reverse real soon.
4. WHAT'S IN A NAME
An anonymous donor has endowed the offensive coordinator's position at Stanford, which will be now called the "Andrew Luck Director of Offense." If Donald Rumsfeld comes through with some dollars, the defensive coordinator's job will be called "the Secretary of Defense."
5. FROM TONY BENNETT
The Golden State Warriors plan to move the team back to San Francisco in 2017. Warriors officials explained that when the franchise moved to Oakland in 1971, it left its heart behind.
-- Budd Bailey