Q: I heard about this website for wealthy men from a friend of mine, and it comes highly recommended. The thing is I am an extremely busy, wealthy, successful workaholic bachelor in my late 30s. I have tried many of the mainstream dating sites without much success. But do you think it is possible to actually find true love if I try one of these sites for wealthy men? My friend tells me I will get tons of responses from beautiful girls on there, but are they really nice girls? Or are they just in it for my money?
-- P.K., Buffalo
A: Considering these women are on a dating site to find a rich man, it's highly likely they are in it for the money. I can't think of any other reason why a woman would sign up for such a thing. Even if you did meet lots of beautiful women on a site like that, at the end of the day, you will always be questioning whether they genuinely like you for who you are, or for your bank account.
It is great that you are successful and wealthy, but it is not everything. Money may be able to buy you a few gold-digging women, but it can't buy happiness.
If you are having bad luck on other mainstream sites, I would suggest you get off the Internet and try a more traditional approach. You are a self-proclaimed workaholic, which is something that you are going to have to get under control if you want to make finding love a priority. A matchmaking service like my own may be a good alternative for you.
Ultimately, you need to find balance in your life. No woman interested in a real relationship will want to be with someone who is always working. And if you do manage to get a few dates, don't talk about how much money you have -- it's a huge turnoff.
Boyfriend in the way
Q: I am very much in love with a girl who is one of my best friends. I've known her for a few years now and over that time we have become quite close. Earlier this year I shipped out to basic combat training for the Army Reserve. The months before I left we spent a lot of time together, and we talk regularly.
But she has a boyfriend. They have been together for almost as long as I've known her. Over Christmas we talked a little about all their problems, and she told me that we would probably be dating if they weren't still together, but that she didn't want to leave him yet.
I am seriously considering telling her that I am in love with her. I'll be home for good in July and I'm emotionally exhausted over the whole thing. I'm just hoping for some advice about what I should do and how I should handle things.
-- B.A., Amherst
A: She doesn't want to be with you. If she did, she would have left her boyfriend. She clearly told you that she didn't want to leave him, so I don't think it is in your best interest to tell her that you're in love with her. Chances are she already knows, considering her comment at Christmas about the two of you dating. She probably enjoys the attention from you, so she is telling you things like that to keep you hanging around in case things deteriorate with her boyfriend. In other words, she is manipulating you.
By remaining in this girl's life, you are neglecting your own self-love, self-respect, and self-worth. I would suggest that you take a serious break from her, spend time with other friends, and try to move on. You are her back-up guy, and you deserve to be someone's first choice.
Patti Novak owns Buffalo Niagara Introductions (www.buffaloniagaraintro.com). Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and include your initials and hometown.