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THE BUZZ

Buffalo, for real

Buzz has never heard of Bundle, which just goes to show that the ratings site knew what it was talking about when it voted Buffalo, ahem, the Most Unfashionable City in the United States. The wording is a riot: "Buffalo ranked as the least fashionable city in America with an index of 0.10. This makes Buffalo 10 times less fashionable than the average big city in America, and 32 times less fashionable than its downstate neighbor, New York." Ha, ha! We love it. Let's take this statistic and run with it. In our Zubaz pants!

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Branching out

As long as our unhipness is out of the closet, let's admit it: Earth Day is too trendy for us. So we welcome the healthy reseeding -- thanks in large, leafy part to Shredd and Ragan, on 103.3 The Edge -- of square old Arbor Day. The jocks promoted it hilariously, even identifying the station as 1-0-Tree. And last weekend, their efforts blossomed in Allentown with Buffalo's first Arbor Day Parade. The parade was small, sure. But like that maple seedling inconveniently rooted by Buzz's front steps, it will surely grow, leaving us with a worthy follow-up to Dyngus Day! Anderson Cooper will love it.

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Warning, warning

St. Ann's Church, a rare treasure in a desperate neighborhood, has been dodging bullets for years, but from the Diocese of Buffalo, not the neighborhood. Sunday, the diocese ordered the church closed because of structural problems. That seemed odd (Buzz has been up in the tower a ton of times, and it always felt solid, even with all the pigeon poop). Plus, the closure, well, scares us. That's because St. Ann, the mother of the Blessed Mother, is the patron saint of the poor. And once when Buzz was up in the tower, helping ring the bells for her feast day, it was a cloudy, dark, dramatic evening. The talk in the tower turned to fears that the church would close. And lo, as we spoke, the clouds suddenly parted, and a rainbow appeared! People still whisper about it. They say it can mean only one thing: St. Ann is watching.

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The Buzz

Bundle, bless them, blames Buffalo's low fashion rating on our snow -- tough to show off our threads, they say. That's right, we're hiding our Jason Wus, or whatever, under our big down jackets. But the next-least-fashionable burg is Louisville, Ky. What's their excuse? ... Uh oh, maybe we are trendy after all, because on a recent Friday, at Merge, Buzz dined on seitan wings -- like chicken wings, only made out of, ahem, wheat gluten. Weird, sure. But yummy! Of course, we could probably eat cardboard if it were deep fried and slathered with blue cheese.

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QUOTE

"Relax your nose."

-- Buzz's Pi-Yo instructor, as part of our cool-down