A lot of couples today meet on websites, but we know three couples who met and married as a result of being set up by living, breathing human beings. Sure, it's dicey to set someone up. You can offend people and wind up looking foolish, but those things have never been deterrents before, so I tried my hand at a setup.
This was going to be a great match.
He's late 20s; she's late 20s.
He's a runner; she's a runner.
They both have good moral character.
She works in health care; he works in health care. Bam! They'll have medical jokes in common right out of the gate.
His mother will love her; her mother will love him. He's tall, she's tall. Yes, it was taking shape nicely.
The trickiest part of introducing people is describing how the other one looks. There's always the suspicion that you're trying to unload someone on someone else.
How do you even say that someone is attractive these days? If I say she's fit, it could be interpreted as she is overly muscular and could bench press a guy if he made a wrong move.
If I simply say he's nice looking, she could think, "That's probably what his mother says." And she would be right, because his mother probably does say that.
If I say, "She's pretty," he could think, "To whom?"
And does a woman my age use the word hot? How about smokin' hot? I didn't think so.
If they could just get past the introduction, I knew they'd like each other.
I began to wonder how long they'd date. Probably not long, they both know what they want; there could be a wedding in little more than a year.
She'll make a beautiful bride and they'll make a handsome couple. They probably won't want me in the wedding, but perhaps they would want me to give a toast at the reception.
Naturally, they'll be so grateful for the match they'll probably want to name a child after me. Not a first name, of course, but a middle name would be a nice gesture of affection for the woman that pulled Cupid's bow. I must remember to look surprised when they tell me.
Sailing high on the wings of confidence, I emailed the young man about this young woman, described some of their common attributes and said she was lovely inside and out.
There was a return email in my inbox the next morning. An unbelievably fast response. I just knew it! He saw the potential, too. Of all the fish in the sea, two minnows were about to find their way to one another.
His email read: "Thanks for letting me know about this particular individual. I am sure she is a great gal, however, my fiancee would have a thing or two to say about it!"
And so my matchmaking days ended as quickly as they started.
I offered my congratulations and said I looked forward to meeting his fiancee although I wouldn't blame her if she didn't look forward to meeting me.
I remain slightly embarrassed by all of this and am still searching for the bright spot.
Maybe the bright spot is that I held off on writing the toast.