1. BACK, BACK, BACK
Vancouver (B.C.) comic Torben Rolfsen, on the favorite place to pitch for 49-year-old Jamie Moyer (above): "Jurassic Park."
2. SISTER ACT
Stanford All-American Nneka Ogwumike is leaving for the WNBA, leaving little sister Chiney behind. "I'm splitting my body in half," Chiney told the San Jose Mercury News, "and I'm losing half of it."
3. SPELL CHECK
The rotating sideline message board at Monday's Kentucky-Kansas title game, touting next year's Final Four in Georgia, referred to the 2013 site as 'Alanta." Traditionalists immediately blamed it on a one-and-done English major.
4. PRIORITIES IN ORDER
Wizards rookie Chris Singleton, wanting to improve his chances of winning last week's $640 million Mega Millions lottery jackpot, spent $10,000 on tickets. "Either that or blow it in the club," he told The Washington Post.
5. LOCATION, LOCATION
Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, not impressed with the Mariners and A's opening the MLB season in Tokyo: "What's next? Japan opening its sumo-wrestling season in Des Moines, Iowa?"
-- Dwight Perry, Seattle Times