Dear Readers: It's April Fools' Day, the one day I can share some of those letters I receive from readers whose questions might not seem as appropriate on any of the other 364 days of the year (or 365 this leap year). Enjoy!
Dear Abby: I am a 23-year-old female who lives with my parents. I saw "The Little Mermaid" for the first time recently, and now I'm very worried.
The other day I walked in and caught my mom talking to my pet fish, Flounder. I have noticed Mom breaks into Broadway-style songs randomly, just like Ariel did in the movie. She also has the same red hair as Ariel. Mom is a lifeguard at the local pool.
Could my mom be part fish? If so, am I half-mermaid? I will await your reply before attempting underwater breathing. Please answer promptly.
-- Sea-ing Things Clearly
Dear Sea-ing: Clean your goggles, honey, because you're seeing less clearly than you think. Your mother is not related to Ariel, and you are not a mermaid, but your letter is a fish tale.
Going for broke
Dear Abby: For years I have heard about players winning thousands of dollars on casino slot machines. But every time I try to win one, I run out of cash before hitting it. How can I win a jackpot before I go broke? Hurry your answer because my money is running out.
-- Unlucky in Jersey
Dear Unlucky: Slot machines are not called "one-armed bandits" for nothing. While I can't advise you on how to win a jackpot, I can tell you how not to go broke. Try this: DON'T GAMBLE!
A timely question
Dear Abby: At what time does "today" turn into "tonight"?
-- Clock Watcher in Utah
Dear Clock Watcher: Ask me tomorrow.