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Hockey hysteria

Druryshot_3 The playoffs have finally arrived for the Buffalo Sabres, allowing us to take our minds off the weighty problems of the world, such as the fate of Don Imus' career.

For a little mood music, check out the Sabres "audio essentials" over at In da Buff.

I took my oldest daughter to exactly one Sabres game this year, and it was the night Chris Drury got hammered by one of the Ottawa Senators, causing a massive fight between the two teams. Even goaltenders Martin Biron and Ray Emery dropped the gloves. It wasn't quite the perfect lesson in how to settle a disagreement with others, but on the other hand, kids growing up in a hockey town need to know the code of sticking up for your teammates.

I am sure the playoffs will be filled with teachable moments for our kids. And "Parent Company" will be here for you, helping to answer the tough questions that come out of the mouths of babes.

Here are a few of the questions likely to come up:

Q: Will the Sabres win the Stanley Cup?
A: I think they will, but I also predicted Gore over Bush, an Oscar for Jessica Simpson in "Employee of the Month" and that Imus would keep his job, so don't bet your allowance on it.

Q: Why do I have to memorize all the Sabres' salaries on flash cards?
A: You know your teacher said you needed to work on your addition. And you've got to understand why the Sabres might need to choose between keeping Briere and Drury during the offseason. And aren't these cards more fun than the Andrew Peters penalty-minute abacus?

Q: Why does the arena organist play "Sympathy for the Devil" when the Islanders' Miro Satan steps on to the ice?
A: It's a long story, but Satan used to play for the Sabres and that's a Rolling Stones song, and Keith Richards recently said that he "snorted" the ashes of his deceased father, and a lot of fans here don't like Satan and ... Hey! You're blocking the TV.

Q: Why does Rob Ray have his shirt off at the game? Isn't he a broadcaster?
A: Yes, but Rob didn't like a comment he heard about the Sabres' power play from one of the CBC commentators, so he had to make things right. You'll understand when you're a little older.

Q: Can we please get tickets to one of the games?
A: Sure, we can afford a ticket if one of your dad's kidneys sells "as is" on eBay. Not many bidders so far, though.

Q: Can you help me with my homework, Dad?
A: Can't you see I'm watching the postgame show? Go ask your mother.

Q: If there is a parade after we win the Stanley Cup, can I skip school that day?
A: You might as well. Dad will be quitting his job and setting the car on fire.

---Greg

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