"Dateless in the Queen City," last month's First Sunday story on the difficulty Western New York singles of all ages have finding soulmates, triggered a heavy, diverse, passionate and sometimes reassuring response. Excerpts from some of the most notable follow:
Anyone who read Elaine Harrigan's article knows why this woman is still single.
As if her lusting after married men and waiting for widowers weren't sick enough, Ms. Harrigan goes on to suggest that a strip club owner might have the key to bringing quality men to the area.
I am 24 and have been married to a truly good man for two years now. I feel sorry for any person who believes that "At the very core of our humanity, homo sapiens are just upright walking primates." Ms. Harrigan will need to do some serious evolving before she'll be blessed with a quality man.
- Kate Gould, East Amherst
We would like your readers to be aware that the Singles Mingle photographed in the Jan. 1 First Sunday was sponsored by Buffalo Niagara Introductions, a members-only service for singles looking for quality individuals to make a worthwhile or lasting connection.
The "dating" scene has changed drastically over the past years. Many of today's singles are looking for a different way to meet that special someone, a way that is both convenient and safe. What makes BNI unique from other introduction and national dating services is that they don't use videotapes or Web gimmicks. Its screening and selection process ensures that potential romantic partners are carefully matched on family values, personality and other important considerations unique to each individual. Each client receives the personal guidance and support to make his or her experience comfortable and satisfying.
BNI along with Infinity Broadcasting have begun their fifth season in providing Western New York singles with the largest singles mingles and dances. Our most recent event Dec. 9 at the Holiday Inn in Grand Island attracted 600 singles. BNI was solely responsible for bringing A&E, the second-largest cable network in the world, to Western New York that weekend to cast a proposed reality television series based on Buffalo singles and BNI's matchmaking style.
- Patti Novak, president, Buffalo Niagara Introductions
Having grown up there, I especially loved Elaine Harrigan's comparison to Alaska marketing its excess of burly male mushers to attract more women. I would definitely appreciate being on the other end of the gender-marketing formula. That's a great idea. Count me in for the committee. You think I jest? It's hilarious how much I've been hearing about this lately.
- Megan Weaver, Buffalo
Every so often something will appear in The Buffalo News that really gets my dander up. So it only took one day for it to happen in 2006. Seeing the little teaser box in the morning paper sent me right to First Sunday magazine. I had to see if it was true. Does The News think there could just be one side to this dating dilemma?
Could anyone really think it's only females that are having a hard time finding true love in Buffalo? My only thought is this rookie columnist was given the cover story to spark some healthy discussion of the subject. She can't really believe the drivel she is coming up with. There are good men out there!
Please tell me she wasn't serious when she said it really didn't bother her that she found herself lusting after her friend's husband. I can only hope all her friends took that in. So now, any guy she dates will know, however you are with her, she will always be looking for the BBD: A Bigger, Better Deal.
As I'm reading that cynical, sarcasm-laced tirade, the author goes on to say how today's women appreciate men. Instead of "Hell, Yeah," we should be saying, "Yeah, right."
Then we are told how men are intimidated by women in power. Just because this opinion comes from some other cynic in New York, we are supposed to follow this like sheep. Not in my town. To a man, my friends always talk about how it would be nice to be with a woman that could have a career that showcased her desire for power so her thirst would be sated and their relationship could somehow come to something in the 5 0/5 0 range. Which is what most people out there should be looking for.
This author tells us how she is all about being a modern, driven woman. Then later she tells us how women are "getting desperate for a little old-fashioned horn bashing to show us we're oh-so-desirable creatures." Correct me if I'm wrong, and I am a man, so I must be wrong, right Elaine? But don't most women just want to be with an honest, fun-loving, loyal guy? Of course you're desirable. The man across from you wouldn't be with you if you weren't. Only a "Tell me I'm gorgeous everyday" princess would think otherwise.
I'm sure there are some women who appreciate someone who wants to treat them nicely. Most men know it's human nature that the better you treat some women, the less desirable you are. When you make yourself unavailable, that's when she wants to be with you.
Maybe I'm just bitter. My last relationship just ended. Now I'm starting over, hoping the next time I won't have put so many walls around my heart that I will never be the same guy I was. My female, married friends say I'll find somebody. They say I'm too nice of a guy not to land on my feet. We'll see, but in the meantime how do I pick up the tiny pieces of my broken heart?
- John Kaniecki, Buffalo
Elaine Harrigan tickled me with her hilarity. I almost fell off the chair when I read about her catalog of men. I think I have dated at least one in each category. Talk about making light of an otherwise sad tale. I applaud any writer who can make us see the humor in the seemingly impossible quest for a decent man. Harrigan did that and more with her suggestion to hawk the plethora of available women in WNY. Too funny.
- Nancy Eckerson, Akron
I loved Elaine Harrigan's article. However, I feel the same way. I have been looking for a "good woman" all my life! I always hear women asking "Where are all the good men?" Well, we're around. Perhaps the definition of a good man needs to be explored? Just what defines a "good man"? I consider myself to be one, yet happiness eludes me.
- John Hastings, Buffalo
The magazine encourages thoughtful reader response and publishes excerpts as space permits.
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