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HUSBAND AND BUDDY ARE TOO EAGER

Dear Abby: My second husband, "Les," and I married seven years ago. We each owned our own houses at the time. Whenever I was away, Les moved in his buddy, "Bruce" -- who owns a home nearby -- for the duration.

I always thought it was odd, but since it was Les' house, I never discussed it. Les and I recently sold our houses and purchased a beautiful home together. Not long after, I went to visit relatives for three days. Les moved Bruce into our home before I even left. Furthermore, from the moment Bruce arrived, they acted like I didn't exist. Neither one even said goodbye to me. They acted like lovers who couldn't wait to be rid of me.

I went on the trip feeling very hurt, and discovered when I returned that Bruce had stayed in "our" home the entire time I was gone without my having been consulted. Abby, this makes me very uneasy. Bruce lives only 15 minutes away. Is it normal for a man to have sleepovers with his buddy whenever his wife is away?

-- Replaced Before the Exit in N.J.
Dear Replaced: No, it's not. Instead of being a couple, it appears that you, Les and Bruce are a "family of three." It's time to listen to your intuition and start asking hard questions. Do not stop until you get some straight answers. There is a Web site you might find of interest: www.straightspouse.org. It is for the spouses of gay or bisexual individuals. If you check it out, I'm sure you'll find it enlightening.

Family troubles

Dear Abby: My daughter, "Alex," is to be married soon. Her fiance, "Ted," has two sisters, neither of whom has been at all kind to her. They have actually said they don't think Alex is good enough for Ted.

My daughter now insists that she doesn't want to include them in the wedding party. I have told Alex that excluding them will only make things worse. She disagrees. Ted is very close to his sisters, but says Alex should do whatever she wants. What is your opinion?

-- Wondering in Williamsville, N.Y.
Dear Wondering: Same as yours. As tempting as it is to exclude the two "witches," I hope your daughter will overcome her desire for revenge. Because the groom is close to his sisters, inviting them to be a part of the wedding could be the first step in healing the relationship. Not asking them will only incite further resentment.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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