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THE BEACHED WHALE DIET

I've been "on a diet" for as long as I can remember. I honestly think I'm obsessed with the word. Whether it is a joke or serious, I say "diet" way too often.

For everyone who goes through this, I know how hard it is to change old habits. For example, yesterday I went to pre-basketball practice and was so excited I thought to myself, "Perfect opportunity to lose weight in a very natural way."

So what did I do when I went home? Sat in front of the TV with root beer and leftover Halloween candy, and watched "Uptown Girls."

I honestly tried not to eat the M&Ms, but just sitting there, knowing that I had to go work out after the movie, one piece after another just found its way into my mouth. Although I said that's all I was going to eat, I soon found myself looking at the candy instead of the TV. About 10 minutes later I reached for another and found nothing. There were no more M&Ms in the dish.

After that I felt like something out of "Bridget Jones's Diary," because I felt humiliated, depressed, and most of all, like a whale. I realized I had just eaten the entire bowl of M&Ms.

Dieting isn't easy, especially around the holidays. Thanksgiving is the best because of the turkey, potatoes, stuffing and rolls, but also one of the most depressing holidays. I eat so much that keeping my eyes open becomes a chore, and I unfortunately never learn from my mistakes, because I find myself inhaling food again the next year.

I've been trying to do the South Beach Diet, but to my despair potatoes aren't allowed, so I'm not able to stick to it. I don't care if they're mashed, baked, twice baked, diced, cubed, scalloped; it doesn't matter. I am the most pathetically in-love-with-potatoes person you'll ever meet.

I'm not proud to say I've been practicing the Beached Whale diet, but I have been. Why does that seem to be the only one I can actually stick with? Oh yeah, because that's where you forget about veggies and go overboard on junk food.

I wish all of you the best of luck with dieting, and maybe someday I'll have enough self-control to let myself really diet, but until that day, I'm going to enjoy the coming holiday by eating myself sick with my grandma's fabulous cooking.

Besides, I wouldn't want to injure her pride by not eating three helpings. After Thanksgiving I plan to ask my aunt, who happens to be a dietitian, for some tips to help me to lose weight in a fun, healthy way.

Like I said, it won't be happening until after Thanksgiving.