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BISEXUAL TORN BY DESIRE TO GIVE BIRTH

Dear Abby: I am a 20-year-old bisexual female. I am madly in love with my partner, "Darci." We have been together for 10 short, wonderful months, but I know without a doubt in my heart that she's "the one" for me. She feels the same.

All I have ever really wanted out of life is to become a mother. I feel that is the reason I was born female, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I died without giving birth. I also don't want to become a mother in any other way except the "old-fashioned way."

Darci knows how I feel about this and says it's OK with her -- she wouldn't care if I was with a man for that purpose only. But whenever we talk about it, I get the feeling that she's only agreeing because she thinks it will hurt me if she doesn't.

I don't want to take her word for it and have it eventually ruin our relationship because she really isn't OK with it. So my question is, should I go ahead and try to have a baby in the old-fashioned way, or just forget it and not fulfill my one and only true dream because I love her so much and don't want to lose her?

-- Torn in Oregon
Dear Torn: This is a question you and your partner should discuss with an obstetrician/gynecologist. Surely you are aware that you can be impregnated by artificial insemination, using donor sperm or the sperm of a donor you and Darci know. In that way, you could fulfill your dream without having to worry about arousing any insecurities in your partner. In your case, the method might be an improvement on the "old-fashioned way."

Girlfriend tags along

Dear Abby: I was divorced after only eight years of marriage. I raised my son, "Bart," alone. We have always had a close relationship, except for the normal ups and downs during his teen years.

Bart is now a successful adult in his late 20s, working professionally in a nearby suburb. He usually calls me once or twice a week and drops by for dinner a couple of times a month. In recent months, whenever Bart visits, his girlfriend always comes along. She rarely joins in the conversation and seems only to sit there waiting for us to "finish." I wish he would visit by himself sometimes. Am I wrong to want to see my son without her occasionally?

-- Maui Mama in Hawaii
Dear Maui Mama: No, and you should tell your son how you feel. It is nice that he has found a girl who is worthy of bringing home to Mama, but that doesn't mean she should come along on every visit.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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