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INVITATION FROM AN OLD GIRLFRIEND

Dear Miss Manners: My husband has been invited to an ex-girlfriend's birthday party. She did not invite me. My husband does not think this is rude on the part of the ex-girlfriend. I would like your thoughts on this.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is sorry to say that she doesn't care for yours. No, no, terribly sorry -- she didn't mean that she doesn't care to hear of your opinion on this matter. Please forgive her. She only meant that she does not believe that it is helpful to acknowledge the unpleasantness lurking below the etiquette of this situation.

With the exception of their individual involvement in special-interest groups, married couples are properly invited out together. This does not mean that they must both accept, only that they must both be asked. For goodness' sake, even unmarried couples are invited out together nowadays.

So the answer is that yes, this is a rude invitation, and it would be just as rude if your husband had been invited without you to a party for his step-grandfather's 88th birthday.

Outta there

Dear Miss Manners: A member of my family is moving from one city to another. I know that there is a proper way of sending one's friends a card informing them of the change of address. I saw one recently that stated, "We are now residing at . . . " but I believe that is incorrect.

Gentle Reader: It's a trifle highfalutin for the job. Miss Manners prefers "We've moved," in cards to friends, and "Please note change of address" for business purposes, as they are quite enough to get the idea across.

Address your etiquette questions to Miss Manners, in care of The Buffalo News, P.O. Box 100, Buffalo, N.Y. 14240.

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