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"There's something therapeutic about nudity."

Kevin Bacon, on being naked in movies, in InStyle.

Take this song and ...

It's funny when some bureaucrat, somewhere, takes a rock song and tries to apply it to a public event. It's even funnier when the song, once you scratch the surface, is less appropriate than organizers apparently hoped. Wherefore we've giggled as the Buffalo Sabres took to playing a song called "The Final Countdown" -- Buzz guesses it originally probably referred to nuclear holocaust, but in the hands of the Sabres, it refers to our struggle against the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, or whoever. Now there's something even goofier. Leaving the Bisons game -- the last one till next spring -- blaring from loudspeakers was the song "Closing Time," by Semisonic. Sounds OK, you say. But listen to the lyrics. "One last call for alcohol," ran one line. Another went, "Take me home." Strike one. Strike two ...

Lost in Transit

We've consulted psychics on the upcoming millennium, and while they disagree on matters concerning the Second Coming and the eventual annihilation of the planet, they all agree on one thing: The future will, without a doubt, involve construction on Transit Road. Of course! It's obvious, like saying the Buffalo Zoo will be in Delaware Park, chafing against the golf course. This construction is going nowhere. Just last week we saw a '20s Ford, beautifully polished, blast its horn in frustration. The traffic wasn't moving fast enough for it. Road rage, even in an antique car! Nearby, a roadside eatery has taken an "if you can't beat it, join it" approach. "Construction got you down?" a sign reads. "Get some ice cream."

Bottle up

Suspense is in the air, along with words like "bouquet" and "full-bodied." That's because the world is preparing for Open That Bottle Day, scheduled by the Wall Street Journal's wine columnists for Sept. 18. On that Saturday, you're supposed to "make a special dinner, and open that special bottle you've been keeping forever." Then you write to the Journal about your experiences, and if they quote you, you win a new book about wine. All well and good! And Buzz has a bottle of Blue Nun we've been saving for just this occasion. But we think a local celebration could be in the offing. Open That Hot Sauce Bottle Day, perhaps. Or: Open That Billy's Beer Day. For teetotalers: Open that Jolt Bottle Day. For cooks: Open that Ancient Canned Good That Has Been Languishing in the Pantry. For motorheads: Open That Bottle of Twin Fair Motor Oil. Why put off these pleasures? The future is now.
Premiere event

So what if we missed the premiere of "Buffalo 66." We did make it, last week, to the premiere of a movie put out by the agency Housing Opportunities Made Equal. It's much better, really: no Vince Gallo, no scenes that would embarrass you in front of your date, and it was all over in 10 minutes, freeing you to go back to the wine, cheese and glitterati. HOME's premiere took place at the Clarkson Center. Stars were on hand, people who testified poetically in the film about how they were helped by Section 8. (The audience crunched popcorn as we listened.) The soundtrack? It began with New Age harp music, and quickly gave way, as the camera panned over Tonawanda Towers, to that bass-heavy jazz one associates with educational films, from Driver Ed on. And the promoters? They were strictly Buffalo, with no pretentions. Anne Huiner of HOME, the master of ceremonies, said, "I'm beginning to feel like Goldie Gardner."

The buzz

Big do: Our hairstylist friend Gina at Salon Salon in Niagara Falls approves of "The Thomas Crown Affair" in that Rene Russo had great hair. She said that in other films her hair was all ratty, roots showing, etc. Ms. Russo, Salon Salon is always at your service. ... In the soup: Last week, on the menu chalkboard at Pat McGinty's on Swan Street, next to "New England Clam Chowder" was written, "The White One." ... Heard last week on one of those automated answering services: "Your call will be answered in approximately -- three seconds." And it was!

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