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IF MOTHER TERESA HAD A CHANGE OF HEART

How to Win Friends and Influence Me

Color me alarmed by Norm (Saturday Night Live) McDonald's report that Mother Teresa is back to normal except that "she now hates poor people."

Color me confident that early next week some character who acts as if he has no in-laws says, "My mother-in-law is so homely that when she answers the door in curlers on Halloween, the trick-or-treaters give her candy."

Color me intrigued by the report that Bob Dole recalled the day in the Senate when he said, "Here's an exercise to tax your memory," and heard Ted Kennedy say, "Why didn't we think of that?"

Say a prayer for our guys Over There.

Rate your friend an American History expert, Skip Davis class, if he can name the first priest to receive a commission in our Armed Forces.

Davis advises that the Christ the King Seminary will stage a Spaghetti Dinner on Sunday for the benefit of the Migrant Workers Ministry, Benedict House and the Seminary Student Activity Fund. For information call 652-8900.

Color me intrigued by Jim (Entertainment Weekly) Mullen's comment that "Rosie O'Donnell wants to fill her audience with look-alikes for one show. Will that many people admit it?"

Rate your friend a show business expert, Don Meynke class, if she can name our longest-running non-musical play.

Meynke advises that the Lions Club of Buffalo will celebrate its 75th anniversary with a banquet at Classics V Saturday.

Color me sure the presidential candidate's friends didn't laugh when a comic said Bob Dole had visited Nashville's Grand Young Opry.

Rate your friend a football expert, Ralph Peck class, if he can name the last Academic All America to win the Heisman Trophy.

Peck reports that the Combat Veterans Association will stage a Dole-Kemp rally at the Municipal Building in Kenmore Saturday at noon.

He adds, "All veterans are urged to wear insignia and medals."

Consider this backward joke submission from Ken Rummenie. A Hollywood vault revealed an early Elvis Presley film. In it Elvis plays the son of a railroad crossing attendant who wants his son to emulate him. The son wants to be a professional athlete.

Its title is "Railhouse Jock."

Hang tough.

Last week's trivia answers

Miriam Gray of Williamsville and Jim Quinn of North Tonawanda knew that Al Gore first introduced Willie Horton to the public in his 1988 race against Gov. Dukakis.

John Stachowicz of Buffalo, Wilbur Dunn of Newfane and LaRusso recalled that Frank McGee was the moderator of the second Kennedy-Nixon debate.

Agnes Morgan of Grand Island, Dunn, LaRusso and Stachowicz knew that in 1984 Chief's Crown won the very first Breeders Cup race.

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