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FOR CELEBS, THE SEASON'S VERSE

It's time for the annual Christmas poem that hints about what Santa Claus might bring to some national and local celebrities. As usual, there is no iambic pentameter involved. Away we go . . .

Find a good college star

Not obsessed with the simoleon

For the Bills' busy drafter

GM William Polian.

Get President Bush

A bunch of jolly quips

So we don't dread

To read his lips.

Bring many new songs

To Old Blue Eyes

And an end to the rumor

About Mafia ties.

Direct money to Ron

In a steady flow

So when asked to Japan

He can just say "no."

Locate a franchise

That is ready to switch

For those deserving owners

Mindy and Bob Rich.

Bring to the U.S. veep

A set of new strokes

To put a merciful end

To Quayle golf jokes.

Drop a league title

Into the warm socks

Of Hamilton's "favorite,"

the Sabres' Seymour Knox.

Provide HUD's Jack Kemp,

That hard-working beaver,

With the best of cures

For Potomac Fever.

Help Victor Kiam

Find some stats

To placate fans

Who can't stand Pats.

Make the holiday season

Memorable and socko

For the Tony Sardellas

And Jackie Jocko.

To owner Ralph Wilson

Laughs that are many

When he is called cheaper

Than Jack Benny.

Find ambitious Marla Maples

A plan without a hitch

To help her do social work

Among the very rich.

Bring first lady Barbara

Even more of the skill

To laugh when asked

Why she is on the $1 bill.

For raucous Roseanne Barr

Bring new routine planners

And the complete works

Of our Miss Manners.

For the Bills' Scott Norwood

More luck with his toe

And all wide receivers

A case of Velcro.

Rush lots and lots of joy

On this special morn

To the widespread clan

Of Vincent Gaughan.

To Coach Marv Levy

And each staff member

A playoff opponent

The Bills can dismember.

Help us all find a way

To make an absolute goner

Of that material lass

Known as Madonna.

Send just male writers

To visit Coach Wyche

So he won't have

A scar on his psyche.

For Gov. Mario Cuomo

Promise of acclamation

If he will finally make

A Shermanesque declaration.

To lonely Liz Taylor

Bring days without stress

And the needed gift of

A drip-dry wedding dress.

For Shelley Winters

The Oprah Winfrey Diet

And someone to teach her

How to keep quiet.

For tackler Darryl Talley

A loud drum roll

And an overdue invite

To the next Pro Bowl.

Deck his opulent pad

With leaves of holly

For the leatherneck

Most folks call "Ollie."

If on your favorite

I've been too rough

Accept my best wishes

And please hang tough.

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